I am a flirt--a big flirt--always have been--always will be. It comes easily to me, as I practice on a daily basis where ever I go. It is a natural response when talking to most members of the opposite sex. It is always fun for me. I have never been shy-- thank goodness- and I almost always get a positive response--but there are occasionally those awkward moments --when the recipients of my attention give me a blank stare--a baffled deer in the headlights expression. They look utterly confused at finding a total stranger attempting to engage them in a bit of witty banter. And it is a tiny moment of embarrassment where I wish I had not bothered...but then I recover with something glib or sarcastic realizing they are not worth my time--poor things unable to respond in an intelligent manner to simple basic human interaction. And I am left feeling sorry for those who lack simple social skills.
Flirting is a simple pleasure one should be able to enjoy through out the day. It gives you a little boost--a little complimentary burst of energy. It costs a woman nothing to smile at the man walking down the 16th St Mall who is staring at her appreciatively. It is almost no effort at all to tell a woman she looks beautiful that day. There will always be the silly,clueless ones--who do not know how to respond to this favorable attention. They are most likely completely caught off guard, finding themselves so rarely flirted with. Sometimes they are married and are afraid that their wives or husbands will appear out of nowhere to berate them for even looking in another attractive person's direction.
My advice is to shake it off and chalk it up to the fact that the person of your focus is either gay, married, moving to Alaska tomorrow or simply utterly lacking the confidence to respond to your attention. Don't let it dissuade you. Flirting well is an art--but it can be practiced and learned like any skill. You just have to be open to practicing. It might take a bit of courage-but there is absolutely nothing to lose and everything to gain!
My girlfriends often call me, bemoaning the fact that none of the cute guys hit on them while they were out...and I ask immediately--"Did you look at them? Make eye contact with any of them in any way shape or form? Invite them in with your energy or body language?" And they say, "No, of course not." And then I commence the chastising. Why would he come over to you--as gorgeous as you are-- if he did not get some sort of invitation and clear indication that he would not be shot down if he did, in fact, have the balls to approach you?
If you are not gonna be the flirter and you want to sit back and wait to be flirted with, then you will have to send out a signal. Eye contact with a little smile--more than once --is universal in our language. Sitting at a bar, talking to your girlfriends without ever looking around the room is not a way to find a guy. Guys are not going to interrupt your conversation to try to flirt with you. And yet my girlfriends always wonder why no one hit on them when they were out....
And also please remember that is a numbers game and that some people like brussel sprouts--and some people do not! This is purely about esthetics. Taste, preference. We all have things we like, things we are drawn to. You may be attracted to someone who is not attracted to you. I am a petite brunette. Men who want a leggy blond will not be for me. I might flirt with them but they will never return my flirt with any enthusiasm--and people, you want some enthusiasm! So remember the word, "NEXT" because there will always be someone new with whom you can flirt.
It is not rocket science--if someone is available and finds you attractive then you will get a favorable response. If not, then you can chalk it up to the fact that the person wasn't worth your time anyway. There are few people who do not enjoy the attention or validation of a total stranger flirting with them.
So please, turn around in the Starbuck's line and see if there might be a hottie in line behind you with whom you can start to practice getting your "flirt" on.
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