There was a scene in a movie once where Robert Redford's character talks about seeing a pretty girl on the subway that he wanted to talk to but was too shy as a boy to do so. When he gets off the subway, she looks right at him and flashes him the biggest smile, as the doors close. He goes back every night at the same time for two weeks but never sees her again. He says that not a day goes by that he doesn't think about her and that missed opportunity.

He did not have the confidence to approach her, and with that smile she told him that she wished he had.

I believe this happens all the time--men wishing they had the courage to talk to a beautiful stranger. Women wishing they would!

Women want men with confidence. It is at the top of their list of requirements. You must set aside weakness and fear and just go for it! Even if you are not her cup of tea, she will appreciate the compliment of your attention. No cheesy, cocky lines are needed--just a sincere and warm greeting, "Hi, I couldn't help but notice that you look amazing in that dress (or shoes or whatever)."  In line at Starbucks, why not offer to buy her a cup. We are dying for men to be men and step it up, take charge, and say hello instead of shyly glancing repeatedly at us in the Whole Foods check out line.

And here's the key--do it as if it doesn't matter what her response is. Some people like brussel sprouts and some people don't! So just because you are not her particular flavor does not mean you won't be delicious to another woman. Don't take it personally. NEXT! There will always be another cutie to talk to. And practice makes perfect; flirt til it becomes effortless. You will be so confident, you can talk to anyone, anywhere, anytime with no obvious nervousness, no desperation. You are a Modern Gladiator--a gentleman first--you are always polite,sweet, attentive, and courteous. But BRAVE!  Women notice these men.

Confidence is the sexiest thing about a man. It is the key in business and in dating. Even if a man is not classically handsome, if he is well dressed, in great shape, and moves with ease, a woman will find him extremely appealing. Women look for strength--mental and physical--it is a primal desire.  Women are drawn to men who react as if they can handle whatever comes their way. It is very sexy! And reassuring. We want you to be able to take care of things.-just like men did back in the day, protecting us, providing for us, keeping us safe. We are strong now too, but we still want you to be stronger.

So be direct--communicate--be open. If you are attracted to her, tell her!  If you want a second date, ASK! Open the door for a stranger, make eye contact, smile, shoot her a compliment, "You have such a pretty smile." Get her attention with ease.

The Modern Gladiator goes after what he wants without hesitation--but in a respectful way and he is not put off by rejection. So go for it. You get one chance. Live your life with no regrets. Don't find yourself wishing you had what it takes to talk to the pretty girl. Just do it!

FLIRT MORE!

I am a flirt--a big flirt--always have been--always will be. It comes easily to me, as I practice on a daily basis where ever I go. It is a natural response when talking to most members of the opposite sex. It is always fun for me. I have never been shy-- thank goodness- and I almost always get a positive response--but there are occasionally those awkward moments --when the recipients of my attention give me a blank stare--a baffled deer in the headlights expression. They look utterly confused at finding a total stranger attempting to engage them in a bit of witty banter. And it is a tiny moment of embarrassment where I wish I had not bothered...but then I recover with something glib or sarcastic realizing they are not worth my time--poor things unable to respond in an intelligent manner to simple basic human interaction. And I am left feeling sorry for those who lack simple social skills. 

Flirting is a simple pleasure one should be able to enjoy through out the day. It gives you a little boost--a little complimentary burst of energy. It costs a woman nothing to smile at the man walking down the 16th St Mall who is staring at her appreciatively. It is almost no effort at all to tell a woman she looks beautiful that day. There will always be the silly,clueless ones--who do not know how to respond to this favorable attention. They are most likely completely caught off guard, finding themselves so rarely flirted with.  Sometimes they are married and are afraid that their wives or husbands will appear out of nowhere to berate them for even looking in another attractive person's direction. 

My advice is to shake it off and chalk it up to the fact that the person of your focus is either gay, married, moving to Alaska tomorrow or simply utterly lacking the confidence to respond to your attention.  Don't let it dissuade you.  Flirting well is an art--but it can be practiced and learned like any skill. You just have to be open to practicing. It might take a bit of courage-but there is absolutely nothing to lose and everything to gain!

My girlfriends often call me, bemoaning the fact that none of the cute guys hit on them while they were out...and I ask immediately--"Did you look at them? Make eye contact with any of them in any way shape or form? Invite them in with your energy or body language?" And they say, "No, of course not." And then I commence the chastising. Why would he come over to you--as gorgeous as you are-- if he did not get some sort of invitation and clear indication that he would not be shot down if he did, in fact, have the balls to approach you?

If you are not gonna be the flirter and you want to sit back and wait to be flirted with, then you will have to send out a signal.  Eye contact with a little smile--more than once --is universal in our language. Sitting at a bar, talking to your girlfriends without ever looking around the room is not a way to find a guy. Guys are not going to interrupt your conversation to try to flirt with you.  And yet my girlfriends always wonder why no one hit on them when they were out....

And also please remember that is a numbers game and that some people like brussel sprouts--and some people do not!  This is purely about esthetics. Taste, preference. We all have things we like, things we are drawn to. You may be attracted to someone who is not attracted to you. I am a petite brunette. Men who want a leggy blond will not be for me. I might flirt with them but they will never return my flirt with any enthusiasm--and people, you want some enthusiasm! So remember the word, "NEXT" because there will always be someone new with whom you can flirt.

It is not rocket science--if someone is available and finds you attractive then you will get a favorable response.  If not, then you can chalk it up to the fact that the person wasn't worth your time anyway.  There are few people who do not enjoy the attention or validation of a total stranger flirting with them.
So please, turn around in the Starbuck's line and see if there might be a hottie in line behind you with whom you can start to practice getting your "flirt" on.

www.FlirtDenver.com

I have been helping people find dates, meet more people, and be more social for years now.  We started FLIRT several years ago and operated by word of mouth.  My friends were always surprised by how easily I talked to anyone and everyone when I was out.  They would call me and tell me they pulled a "Tawni", meaning they channeled me and talked to a stranger when they were out and about.  My girlfriends and my single personal training clients always asked me to set them up on dates and questioned me as to where and how I met so many cool men.  So the business began just like that.  My clients love when I take them out.  I have even connected people while grocery shopping at Whole Foods (great place to meet cool people).  My favorite new story is about my lovely friend Julie who visited from LA recently.  I took her downtown to a crowded hot spot and asked her which man she found the most attractive.  She indicated a super hot young man who was currently talking to several beautiful women.  About 20 minutes later Julie and this man were talking and laughing as I watched from the bar.  I love that!!!  I can introduce you to anyone-anywhere-anytime!

Another First Date

He was sitting at the table when I arrived for our lunch.. He was just as cute in person. Lucky me! (Online dating can be tough.) He was seriously as tall as he said he was (bonus). Doesn't really matter how petite I am, tall is always sexy. But not too tall--then we just look ridiculous together. (People have actually turned around and laughed out loud when I am with a man over 6'2"--especially if I am not wearing heels --which is rare).


So we chat. You know the basics. Where ya from, family, job, blah blah blah.

But the really cool part was the way he maintained eye contact. It was great. He seemed really interested in what I had to say. We sat in one of those big u-shaped booths, pretty close together, and he touched my leg lightly a couple of times to make a point. Love that! But he still didn't give anything away.

He didn't flirt with me in an obvious manner. He didn't throw any compliments my way, i.e. he did not feed my ego or reassure me in any direct way. And so I enjoyed the meal and the conversation. I would even say it was a bit fun--but no fireworks. And, frankly I was disappointed because the more he shared, the more I realized that he was very intelligent and confident and of course I was attracted to all of that.

So we said a polite goodbye outside and he hugged me. And I thought, "Well, maybe friends."

But after I left, I texted him. "That was great. Thanks!" And he immediately texted me back--"I was trying to text you the same thing, but I am driving." And then he followed that up with, "You are really cute, by the way. I almost tried to kiss you twice."

Big smile from me!

So why hadn't he given me any signs. He certainly wasn't the shy type. Interesting what men/boys can say in a text but not to our faces. It would save so much time and energy and analysis (on my part) if they would say what they were thinking (within reason of course). But alas, fear of rejection is powerful.

So we continue texting:

Me: "I don't want to be cute. I wanna be sexy!"

Him: "That was a given. Cute makes me want to sit next to you. Sexy is why I want to kiss you so badly."

Me: "That is awesome. Thanks!"

And then I started to have a  really big crush. And we planned our next date......